well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
