I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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