she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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