The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she pinky promised me she was 18
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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