Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
