i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do herpes really smell.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
