Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
