I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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