clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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