one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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