Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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