dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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