I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
