honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
