exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
