You made me cry and you don't even care
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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