capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
