if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
