i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
