Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
