If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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