Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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