how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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