i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
