the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
