If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
