I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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