Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
