he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
