If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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