Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize