Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
