i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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