Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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