My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
