At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
