Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
