i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
