I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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