Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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