cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
