is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
