need another drink. this is the easiest way
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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