i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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