whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
