so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
