Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
