I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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