I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
