At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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