TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
