But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
