They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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