im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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