Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
