I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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