Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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