he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
