My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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