I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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