there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
