Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time