"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Shame is for Republicans.
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