I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
