I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
