dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize