So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
