4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bang-toberfest begins!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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