Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
