Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
