I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
