dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
