I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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