I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
