They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
