I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
