R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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