I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
