the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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