Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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