I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
