Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
