Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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