Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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