tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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