if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
