My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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