Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
