I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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