Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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